Thursday, October 08, 2009

Podcast: Corzines' Fat Jokes, Real Jobs, and A Desperate Plea!

Click here for the latest podcast folks!

Corzines has done it again and stole a classic move from the McOwskey playbook!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Podcast: The Environements, Gays in the Militaries, and Twitters

A brand new podcast for those of you with a taste for democracies.

Click here for mp3 of podcast, folks!

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Give me money, Please, folks.

Dear Friends, Citizens, Voters, and Those Unprepared to Fail,

My name is Eddie McOwskey and I'm currently running for New Jersey State Governors, the most fancy job in all of New Jerseys. As you know me, I am an all around good guy (unlike those two bums I'm running against, bald Governor Jon Corzines and puff faced District Attorney Chris Christies). In fact, I can't think of anyone who's ever complained about me, except maybe my fifth grade art teachers who politely requested that I stop drawing so many naked pictures of Morgan Fairchilds. Point beings, I should be governors because I got the goods, folks! Those other guys are just nickels and dimes, spare change. Two pigs in a pod.

Because of my utmost belief in myself, I am writing to youse because I need a little help, to the tune of LOTS O' CASH and/or FREE PUBLICITIES.

Folks, this is it. The home stretch, some day in Novembers (I'm going to have to check my calendar for the specifics on this one), New Jerseys is going to pick it's next Governors and that person should be me because I used to date cheerleaders in high school, folks. Also, I can scream the loudest, I never stray from circumstance, and I can BALANCE YA TAXES!

(hold for applause and cheers)

Sure, politics is senseless, a perversion of democracies, and not worth your times, but let me tell you why I need to win this race. I believe I can steer New Jerseys to a better tomorrow, an unfettered paradise, without sacrifice and any sort of inconvenience on your parts. Here are some of my talking points:

  • Experience: I'm the best. Those other two guys are ridiculous. And smell of unwashed undershirts.
  • Schools: I'm going to make the schools better by making the schools better.
  • Immigration: Nobody leaves Jersey unless they have a note from me or your mothers.
  • Abortion: I believe life begins at 40.
  • Marriage: No more marriage folks, let's just agree to keep it casual. No stress, no stress.
  • Health Insurance: Free for all and we'll pay for it by charging people every time they complain about how sick they feel. You whine, you pay, I win.
  • Jobs: I want to be known as the "Jobs Governors," I got a stack of dirty dishes that need to be washed and a lawn that needs to be mowed, that's two, folks. That's two.
  • Change: For a dollar, folks!
  • Evolution: The Human Body has many flaws, it's time for blame! I want wings!
  • The Work Week: 30 Minutes a day, 5 days a week, after two and half hours, it's the weekend, folks!
  • Faith: I am a devote soul who believes that Spidermans will swing down from the Heavens, wearing robes of pure sunshine and whisper powerball numbers into our ears. Webs are what bring us togethers.
  • Mars: Dare we gamble, folks?

To pull this off, I need to raise, I'm thinking $126,987. I know times are tough. But come on. It's me. If you want to throw away a quarter, buck, or c-note, visit this fascinating link:
http://mcowskey.chipin.com/mcowskey-for-nj-governors

What will your hard earned cash be used for?

  • TV Ads
  • "An Internet Presence"
  • Campaign Buttons
  • Campaign Administration
  • Living Expenses
  • Groceries
  • Entertainment
  • A Nice Weekend Away for Me and My Live-In Girlfriend, Rose, you know to "decompress" in some pacific island paradise
  • Paying for Endorsements
  • Bribing Journalists for Airtimes
  • Fine Suits
  • Tapas



Hey, if you want something for your money, besides the intangible and non-refundable sense of pride in contributing to a public figure, check out the official McOwskey Campaign "I GAVE MONEY TO A POLITICIAN T-SHIRT" (all shirts are made in the U.S.A. and the company has some very fancy ethical mission statement or some such nonsense, folks, and I get around $9 for each t-shirt that sells).

Men's Sizes: http://skreened.com/mcowskey/i-gave-money-to-a-politician-men-s
Women's Sizes: http://skreened.com/mcowskey/i-gave-money-to-a-politician-women-s

Or if you're a crafty person and want to make your own iron-on's to tell the world what's up, I attached the graphics for you to prints. Either way, spread the words!



AND IF I MAY, if you haven't done so already, please sign the petiton to have me appear of The Colbert Report and spread it around on your facebooks, your tweets, and wherever Spidermans' glory shines.
http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/eddie-mcowskey-on-the-colbert-report.html
Thanks to all who have already signed it!

Want to get involved with the campaigns for street actions in Times Square, Union Square, and other locations? Write back! Know of any media outlets that would be interested in hearing at me yell at them? Write back! Don't want to hear from me anymore? Write back! Want to spread the word? Change your middle name in Facebook to "McOwskey,"

Thank you all for all your solid gold support the last few years! We can win this!

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors!
McOwskey.com

Thursday, April 09, 2009

EDDIE-TORIAL: SOCIAL BAILOUTS

Dear Voters,

Good morning, folks. Eddie McOwskey heres, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. How are you today? I am fine. Thank youse. May your day produce an abundance of fortunes, merriments, and formiscitudes.

Folks, did you see how polite I was in that first paragraph? Well, it's that politeness that has gotten little Eddie McOwskey so many friends. But not everyone is as polite as me, especially people who are too busy amassing as much wealth as possibles, while the rest of us delight in their fiscal follies, reality TV shows, and front page adventures. Perhaps if the financial elite of this world were better at making friends, they'd care more about ripping off the rest of us.

That's why I, Eddie McOwskey am proposing Social Bailouts of all folks who don't have enough friends. Through the bully pulpit of the New Jersey Governor's seat, I will cede a total social bailout of 750 Billion new friends to such socially deficient organizations such as AIG, the Health Insurance Industries, and whomever else is making a profit at other's expense or running a trillion dollar business poorly.

Hopefully this influx of friends will infuse the social market with all sorts of new social activities like cool Birthday parties, picnics, games of Frisbee golf, a little touch foot ball, a little slap tag, a little dancing... The friendless will once again have friends like we were all forced to in that socialist institutions of Kindergartens. With everyone being friends and having fun, we'll be apt, poised, and aplomb to share all the things we've been stealing from one anothers.

Nationalizing and socializing friends will be shocking to those of who fought for the right to be friendless and rich in the 80s. But as Bob Dylan sangs, "Here's the story of the Hurricanes..."

Eddie McOwskey


Tuesday, April 07, 2009

EEDDIE-TORIAL: I PROMISE YOU, FOLKS

Dear Voting Public,

As you probably are unawares, I am running for the Governors of New Jerseys. I have several overweight opponents, but this show ain't over until the skinny guy sings (me, Eddie McOwskey).

I'll be honest folks, I don't hear or see my name in headlines, water cooler talk, or even campaign scratchitti. So, I thought it's time to break out the campaign promises.

If you vote for me for New Jersey State Governors, I promise:
  • To rid all elevators, narrow sidewalks, and all confined spaces of baby strollers. I can't stand those hulking behemoths, folks.
  • To enforce strict speed limits on scooters and electric wheelchairs. Where's the fire, folks?
  • To stimulate the economy by maxing out everyone's credit cards.
  • To make spinache the official Pizza topping of New Jerseys, absolutely delicious, folks.
  • To increase sustainable agricultures by increasing sustainable agricultures (no questions, please).
  • To tax bad posture. I know I have to work on mine, what better way to solve this state problems than through fiscal penalties that go towards long-term no bid state infrastructure projects.
  • To end campaign finance reforms. if you don't want politicians spending so much money, stop giving it them, folks.
  • To control guns by politely asking people to not use guns and taxing each bullet that does not hit it's intended target.
  • To increase drug laws, drug penalties, drug stigma, and drug use to keep the system alive. It's important to keep both sides of law enforcement alive and well, folks. Otherwise we might suffer a long boring peace, like they have in those lousy Scandinavian countries.

That's just the beginning, folks.


Eddie McOwskey

Monday, April 06, 2009

EDDIE-TORIAL: LET'S CONTINUE TO KEEP SMART PEOPLE OUT OF GOVERNMENT, THOSE LOUSY NERDS


Dear United States,


I was thinking about our government the other days. And I thoughts you know what, it seems the best thing to do is to pick leaders who are smart, yet we seldoms elect doctors, scientists, or scholars to guide us through the caverns of precipice and the mountains of chance. And while we have a rich supply of smart folks in colleges, universities, and hospitals--we don't have many scientists and doctors in government, leading the nation with their brilliance.

And I decided this absence of smarts in government is for good reason, folks. Let's be honest, those smart guys scare the rest of us. They think they know it all with their knowledges, insights, and being able to ask good questions. No thank you. I don't need some lousy nerd telling me what to do. One might argues, hey the nerds know what's up. Well, keep it in the lab, Copernicus. Nobody needs your smart ideas. We got tons of bankers, businessmen, and lawyers--the cool kids--to get us out of jams. And though this system does have it's disasterous results, the last thing we need is some scrawny nerd piping up with his or her bright ideas. Science has no place in modern problem solving, especially on a national and global level. If we need their smart ideas, they can fight to the death for some businessman's grant. Ha ha, stupid nerds, I say.


Sincerely,


Eddie McOwskey

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

EDDIE-TORIAL: OBAMA'S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB--COME ON, PAL!

Dear President Obamas,

I enjoyed watching all of your ceromonies, speeches, and splendor yesterdays. My temp job was nice enough to let us all watch during our lunch hour on a broken 13 inch TV that can't be fixed due to the economy and bailouts. However, I got to thinking...

If I was hired at a new job and started my first day of work with a big ceremony and speech showing off myself ("I, Eddie McOwskey do solemnly swear to show up at 9am, email my friends, and dodge the phone..."). Then, after that pomp and circumstance, I dashed off to ten seperate parties to celebrate--I wouldn't make it past lunch!

Come on, pal. First day on the job! Let's get some pens out, find out where the bathroom's are, and get cracking. Ten parties! And you haven't even done anything yet! This is no time for the sophomore slump!

Please endorse me,

Eddie McOwskey

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Eddie-Torial: No Gifts This Season. Come on, folks.


Dear People Who Celebrate Holidays with Gift Giving,

Folks, I'll be honest. I don't have the cash, the desire, or the time to buy all my loved ones, aquaintances, and alledged cousins pieces of crap this holiday season. Plus, isn't the world in an economic apocalypse? TV news has gotten so bad with reporting the financial woes that last night Brian Williams closed out the NBC Nightly News by asking if any of his viewers could spare five bucks for bus fare.

So, come on. Let's all agree to just cool it on buying gifts this year. I know you were all excited about filling shopping bags up and spending lots of office-work earned cash. But let's be honest a lot of the stuff we give is some plastic junk that's only purpose is to serve as a place holder for affection, sentiment, and flamboyance. It's true, folks. We spend all this time agonzing on what to give Jimmy at work, and every year we get him something that wastes our money, his time, and our planet's precious resources which are dwindling at a devastating rate of about two bobble heads a day. By 2013 the bobble head population will be struck down to 300.

Just because you can't buy crappy doo-dads doesn't mean you can't give gifts. Here are some ideas to save the holidays, your repuation, and some greenbacks:
  • Sing a song
  • Leave a funny voicemail
  • Bring back the art of macaroni sculptures!
  • Send an amusing e-mail forward, preferably the one with old Olan Mills photos and witty commentry
  • Cook someone a meal
  • Give away all the books you don't read
  • Dispence unsolicited advice
  • Decorate Your House with Drawings
  • Get ride of the cockroaches in my apartment
  • Create a boardgame out of old cardboard, construction paper, and outstanding credit cards
  • Put on a talent show
  • Vote for Me (please)
Happy Holidays,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors

Monday, November 10, 2008

EDDIE-TORIAL: The Al Franken(Berry) Recount



Dear Folks,

I don't know if you've been keeping up to date with politics post election. I barely have and I'm a politician (running for New Jersey State Governors--please vote for me). But in a little tiny, forgotten, cold, off the beaten path, bizarre, unruly, and dainty state called Minnesotas, there's an election still going on for the United States Senate (or as I like to call it the United States House of Lords--the vestigal tail of an electoral college aristocracies who debate issues of philosophies, candors, and nuances while the lowly U.S. House of Commons fixes the potholes and regulates what goes into our Cheetos and beloved Holiday Chex Mix).

Folks, Al Franken, a comedian, movie star, and man with extremely large head (seriously, folks, I don't know what he does with that thing--the man's dandruff orbits his skull like a ring of Saturn) is currently embroiled in a recount with some other Senate bum, I think his name is Coleman. Anyway, there was a difference of a couple votes and due to Minnesota's crazy laws this activates an automatic recount. But they can't recount the votes until November 18 because up until then all the vote counters are "busy."

I'm sure Al Franken would make a fine Senator--all of his kooky characters would be right at home in the great live comedy sketch show that is our country's capitol. But an issue that I have with him is that he has never once commented to his ties with the controversial cereal box children's character Frankenberry. They have similar names folks. And if you focus on the glasses--I think ole Frankenberry is wearing glasses, they look kind of the same. My questions to Mr. Franken(berry):
  • Did you invent Frankenberry in a lab using samples of dead tissues?
  • If so, after creating an artificial man (or woman--I think Frankenberry has painted nails), why turn him over the cereal industries, aren't there other venues for your creation?
  • What's the deal with Frankenberry anyway? I can't exactly tell what's going on.
  • Why'd you invent Frankenberry, Senator Franken? You have no idea how many times I thought I was watching a cartoon as a child and it turned out to be a commercial for a cereal I wasn't allowed to eat. You have no idea.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

EDDIE-TORIAL: SHARING IS SAVING

Dear Folks,

Eddie McOwskey here, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. You know a lot of people come up to me and go "Eddie, what I can I do? The economic crisis is murdering me with the financial meltdown that has stricken the land." And I respond, "I don't have any money to give youse. Please allow me on my way." But folks, this reponse is selfish and easy on my parts.

Remember in Kindergartens when we were little and used to fight over markers, crayons, and that McDonald's playset with the plastic fries? What did Mrs. Arnold tell us as we sat there with paste in mouths and Inspector Gadget on our brains? She told us to share. Folks, sharing is always the answer. We are a herd animal folks: look at any highway, busy street, or ant-farm like supermarket. From high above we look like any herd of gazelles or infestation of roach. There's a reason these animals have been around for tens of years without any jobs, welfare checks, or television. And that reason is these animals band togethers and share everything, while still retaining their personalities and amasses of personal wealth. We are all scurrying around, most of the time unawares that we are part of a larger group moving in the same direction--why not realize our own unity and preport it by pooling our resources for our continued mutual and personal successes.

We don't need to buy so many things folks. If I have a book sitting on my shelf that you want to read, don't go to Amazon.com and buy your own ask me to borrow it. If you have a box of cereal that you opened and don't want the rest of because you already found the toy and that was all you bought that box of Fruity Pebbles for--share that box of Fruity Pebbles--Fred Flinstone would thank you. If you need to buy a car but have three friends who need to buy a car and you just need it to go to work and the occasional errand, why not share a car with friends?

I know a lot of you people who had secret crushes on Ronald Reagans and Henry Kissingers are looking at me right now and calling me a socialist or a communist because I think people should share: GET THIS THROUGH YOUR SKULL SHARING IS NOT COMMUNISM SHARING IS SHARING AND SHARING IS FUN! If sharing were bad, would Mrs. Arnold have made it class policy? Was Mrs. Arnold meeting Soviet Agents in Mexico City on the weekends to plot the demise of capitalism? No (that was crazy uncle Ralph).

Folks, you want to make it through this economic collapse and more importantly live in a world without such artificial woes? Share. Share your food, your things, and your cheers. If we keep not sharing we're going to be like little Stevey B. who didn't share in class and grew up to have a boring job at the bank. Who wants that? Seriouslies, folks.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors

Friday, November 07, 2008

EDDIE-TORIAL: IS IT NOT TIME FOR NATIONAL SHARE-A-BAG-OF-CHIPS DAY?

Dear Folks,

Eddie McOwskey here, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. How's everyone doing? Fine, I assume. But I bet you could all do better. Especially if you're living in New Jerseys. Well, folks, it seems in this country we'll name any day of the week a holiday.

"Presiden't Day"--The president don't need a day, folks--he rules the world.
"Arbor Day"--A day for trees, folks? I love them too--with their arching bellows and leafy panache. But why do they get a day and not other plants like the cactus or the burr.

"Tuesday"--This day serves no purpose to me. Once they took Who's The Boss off the air--why bother?

As you can see with so many days singled out for no good reason, let's have just one day out of the year that's good for everyone.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF AMERICA: It's time to have SHARE-A-BAG-OF-CHIP DAY!

You expect me to pay $3 for a bag of chips? That's murder, folks. Let's all just share a couple bags of chips today. U.S. Government: Make it a law. Everyone else: Let's make it fun. Think of all the delightful crunching.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors



Thursday, November 06, 2008

Dear Mr. President!

Dear Mr. President Barack Obamas,

First and foremosts, congratulations to you, my friend. You leaped over the hurdles of creptitude and traversed the windy seas of adversitimidity. The S.S. Barack has landed ashore the Presidential coast on a wave of votes, smiles, tears, excitements, and nicorette.

Incidentallies, besides giving you a couple pats on the back and slaps on the butt (it's a male sign of affection, folks--baseball players do it all the time, so just calm down--calm it down, please)--I wanted to ask you a favor. Can I borrow a couple hundred bucks and can you endorse me? Please. I need to use the mimeograph to run off some flyers. And how beautiful would those black and white mimeographs (on pink paper) look if it said you endorse me.


On a side note to be footnoted, Mr. Presidents... I heard you might tap Gov. Jonny Corzines to be your secretary of the treasury. First of all, please ignore my previous comments about Corzines having only 1 friend on Myspace, being bald, a little overweight, and wearing glasses. Besides this I'm sure he would be great at you know being secretary of the treasury. I do some secretary work for my temp agency and believe me, anyone can do it. I'm sure they'll be heavy phones--everyone wants to schedule an appointment to run around the treasury for five minutes and grab as much cash as they can. He'll probably have to do a lot of typing--are dollar bills typed individually?--that'll keep him busy! And just think with ole Corzines out of the picture, how easy it will be for your favorite gubernatorial candidate to become governor of New Jerseys. Please, Mr. President Barack Obamas.

In conclusion, congrats to you and Mr. Bidens--why was he so late to your victory speech? It looked like he had been driving around a lot looking for a parking space. He probably caught most of it on the radio.
The rest of us look forward to your successes and your platitudes.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors

Monday, November 03, 2008

McOWSKEY ELECTION NIGHT COVERAGE!


Folks tomorrow night, check out BlogTV from 10pm to 11ish to see up the minute election night results anchored by me, your favorite candidate for New Jersey State Governors, Eddie McOwskey!

You can check it out here: http://www.blogtv.com/People/ralphy

It's going to start tomorrow, 11/4. Tuesday, at 10pm and go until around 11 or so, you know how it goes.

I'll be checking in with some of the following sources by phone to get what the media tends to overlook:

311 (They can answer anything)
The CIA (Only open during business hours so we may just get a prerecorded message)
The Democratic Party of American Samoa (US Territory not allowed to vote in election)*
The Republican Party of Guam (US Territory not allowed to vote in election)*
Diebold (To See How their Electronic Voting Machines are working)
The Whitehouse Switchboard (To See if Any Moving Trucks Have Showed up)
Halliburton (controls the world)
Exxon (contributions to both Obama and McCain, along with Chevron and BP)
Land's End 24 Hour Customer Service (They're very helpful)

*But Allowed to vote in primaries

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

EDDIE-Torial: Electric Wheelchair Speed Limits

Dear Folks,

I almost just got hit by an electric wheelchair walking to walk barrelling down the street at near-sonic speeds. Therefore, when elected Governors the following speed limits will be imposed on electric wheelchairs:

Indoors: 25mph
On the sidewalks: 30mph
On the streets: 65mph
These restrictions should cut speeds of some electric wheelchais by 50%.
Thank You,

Eddie McOwskey

EDDIE-TORIAL: UNTIED SHOELACES, END THE STIGMA

Dear Folks,

The other day I was skipping down the streets making my merry ways when I accidentally stepped on my shoelace and untied it. It was raining out and the shoelace had become completely soaked. As I walked down the street, battling the elements with assuredness and pleiostitude the untied shoelace smacked against my other shoe. By now the shoelace was like a wet wip. I was tired and in no mood to bend over. But I knew I could make it home with this untied shoelace without injury or alarm.

However, in the pitted echelons of my soul, I knew that some person, probably an old man in a plaid jacket or an elderly woman with a shopping cart, would notice my harmless shoelace, be bothered, then stop and alert me that my shoelace was untied, obligating me to attend to this frivoulous matter out of respect for the Greatest Generation. In no way would I ever be allowed to walk down the street with an untied shoelace and be accepted as normal or decent or deserving of respect for my choice.

As Governor of New Jerseys, I'd like to work towards removing all stigma from untied shoelaces. As the Beatles said "Let it be."

Furthermore, if citizens are bothered by untied shoelaces I would sign into legislation a government agency committed to tying people's shoes for them. Thhis agency would also be in charge of putting away people's groceries after they got home. Who can be bothered, folks?

Monday, October 27, 2008

EDDIE-TORIAL: THE ENERGY CRISIS IS OVERS!

Dear Senators "Change A Little Bit" Obama and Senators "Low-in-the-Polls" McCain,

Good afternoon. I hope you both had a pleasant weekend selling yourselves to the esteemed undecided voters of our great and occasionally democratic country. You know, I watch C-SPAN, the news, and I read the papers. I hear you guys talking about getting the country out of it's energy crisis with Nuclear Power, Coal, Offshore Drilling and even that bogus corn whiskey stuff. To be completely honest, I can't really remember what your differences on this issue are. So I thought I do you a favor and give one of you a severe departure of the middle of the road "I don't know, what do you want to do" approach to our energy ills. That way you two can have a break from the prom-queen contest that's going on and yell about your differences on energy.

Now I know the hippies sing about solar and wind powers. But I don't know if I believe those two things exist or if they should. Seriously, just because something is free doesn't mean it should be. Forget that junk. What I'm preposing is a new strategy in overcoming the unbalanced equations of our nation's inter-co-dependence on oil power. I suggest good old fashioned WILL POWER. Ain't it easy folks? It's something that New Jersey naturally produces.

How would WILL POWER work. Well if you're from Jerseys and you're car's broken down, and you need to get to the corner store, you'll get to the corner store. That's how will power works. If you don't have electricities in your house and NBC's Heroes is on and you want to watch that show because you saw last week's and it left unanswered questions that you think about all week at work, you'll find a way to watch NBC's Heroes. That's will power folks. Will, baby, will!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Movie Review: W. -- An American Mr. Bean, So Fake


Folks,

Welcome once again to Eddie McOwskey's Movie Review Choppin' Blocks. This one is a doozy, folks, it's Oliver Stone's possible sequel to "Any Given Sunday," and the movie is "W." Here we go, it's the highly fictional story of a reckless and jobless C-student son of a statesman who becomes president then stumbles and bumbles further through a life of mistakes and careless decisions. Despite the performances and beautiful architectures of the picture, the movie is quite fake. Who would believe that a man who has a tough time holding down a job would become owner of the Texas Rangers much less Governor of Texas or even President of the United States (by not even winning the popular vote)? And on top of that who would believe our esteemed Senate and House of Representatives would follow this "American Mr. Bean" into a needless, costly, and violent war based on flimsy evidence that even his own cabinet thought was shoddy? COME ON, FOLKS. Joe Bidens, John McCains, and Hillary Clintons would never permit such silliness. And would a country that shooed Nixon away into obscurity, for doing much less, stand for such actions? It just doesn't seem possible to me.

Like I said the performances are good. And everything looks like gold. The colors really pop, folks. And the verbal and physical pratfalls are hilarious. But the dereliction of reality is too much for me to get into this movie. Remember in "Garbage Pail Kids" how fake the "Garbage Pail Kids" looked. It's that kind of thing. This movie's so fake, folks. And it's sad when Hollywood has really stuck to realistic portrayals of our highest office with President Palmer in 24 or that nice man in the West Wing.
W. hoops!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Eddie-Torial: Healthcare, folks

Dear Senators Obama and Senators McCains,

What is wrong with you guys? I listened to you both run your mouths off about ya healthcare plans but I see that neither of you have the guts or wherewithalls to cure our healthcare woes with the McOwskey vaccine. And don't pretend you never heard about it. I know you're both busy listening to the sound of your own voices fill up packed houses of desperate voters but come on, take some time out to listen. To me, spefically.

So if you two rock'em sock'em robots can balance ya taxes and shut up ya traps, I'd like to blow some hot air of my own. At youse.

The McOwskey Healthcare Plans:

1) Here we go folks. First of all Healthcare under a McOwskey New Jersey would be completely free. Doctors visits, surgeries, medications, hospital stays, whatever they got. It's paid for, by the government. I know what you're saying, do I want the same people who run the DMV and the schools in charge of my doctors and hospitals. And the answer is YES. It's free, ain't it?

2) Well, you're either like me and don't question what's free and good OR you're like all those bums who pack the trains in the morning and balance their checkbooks, "How do you pay for this, Eddie McOwskey future governors of New Jerseys?" Here's how: While the healthcare is free, complaining about symptoms or any articulation of pain will cost you. Severelies. My team has put together these estimates:
  • Groaning (getting up from a chair, abdominal pain, carrying a heavy load): $12

  • Coughing: $5 each, 3 for $10

  • Sneezing: $3

  • Wheezing: $2.50

  • Whining (about being sick, your life, waiting in a waiting room): $7

  • Talking When You've Lost Your Voice for The Sole Purpose of Telling People You've Lost Your Voice: $29

  • Moaning (minor aches and pains, in your sleep, during the throes/discomfort of passion): $11

  • General Complaining ("I feel AWFUL," "This damn headache," "My foot hurts"): $53

  • Itching Rashes: $4

  • Opening Your Mouth with the Intent of Editorializing Your Symptoms: $1

  • Making Everyone Aware of A) Car Sickness B) Allergies C) Tiredness D) Missing Your Medication: $6.01

  • "Casually" bringing up the fact that you've considered using a Propecia: $12

  • Blowing Your Nose: $8, during a film: $12, on the train: $16

  • Clearing Your Throat: $13

  • Inquiring within a group of 6-8 people if "anyone recommends any homeopathic remedies for symptom x": $20

  • Commenting on frequent trips to the bathroom: $9

  • Burping, Breaking Wind, and Other Similar Type Events (counts as a verbal comment on your digestive woes): $5
*Please note: charges apply in the privacy of your own home, on public land, and in doctor's offices.

Folks, just think of how much money the state would rake in or how much free time you'd have if you weren't commenting on the state of your health.

Dutifully Yours and Seldom My Own,

Eddie Stalwart McOwskey

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

EDITORIAL: Forget About Joe the Plumber, What About Jo The Tomboy from Facts of Life?!!

Dear Senators McCain and Governors Palin,

Eddie McOwskey here, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. I got some words for you two rapscallions (and then some!). I'm so sick of hearing about Joe the Plumber that I got a fevers of 103 and have been prescribed high doses of prednosone and Cipro (the anthrax cure, folks).

How dare you trapse Joe the Plumber around as if he is the new Mickey Mouse, Grape Ape, or other such beloved American mascot! How dare you act as if we, the sleepy American voters care about him when the real Jo we care about isn't Joe the Plumber, but the original, the heroic, the edgy, flippant, yet endearing Jo the Tomboy from Facts of Life. What happened to her? 'Fess up! The next time the both of you crack open ya traps I want to hear nothing but updates on Jo Polniaczek, the streetsiest student at Eastland Academy. Remember when she had the girls steal a van to go to some bar and use fake IDs, but then they crashed it and had to work in the kitchen, under the comical supervision of Mrs. Garrett? What happened after that, John McCain? Remember when they did that reunion show and Jo couldn't make it because she was busy being a police woman, so just her crummy husband and kid showed up? What happened after that, Sarah Palin? And why I'm here Sarah Palins, you look like Spock from Star Trek II when you wear that Members-Only-esque red blazers. And John McCain, back to you, remember when Jo went to Austriali and got mixed up with jewel thieves? Come on, bro, let's get on the ball!

Anybutts, I presuppose myself. The matter at hand is that we the voter need to hear about Jo the Tomboy from Facts of Life. How is she going to be treated by the McCain or Obama plan? Will she reap tax cuts, while Blair is smacked with tax increases causing another reason for them to abandon their latter season friendship?

Come on folks. Enough about Joe the Plumber and more about Jo the Tomboy. Let's be serious.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Third Party Presidential Break Down


In the spirit of McOwskey's run for the New Jersey Gubernatorial race, we at "Days of Change" thought we would shine the spotlight on some other seldom seen players in our political system. It's no news that Obama and McCain are running for president, but did you know that various third party candidates are on most state ballots? Most of these candidates have dramatically different, some might say refreshing, positions than either the Democrats or Republicans.

Most of these lesser known candidates complain of lack of media coverage and most of the media won't cover these candidates due to low polling numbers and lack of campaign funds. But one legitimate critique of the presidential election process is the exclusivity of the televised Presidential debates. These debates are organized by the Commission on Presidential Debates, a corporation that is headed by former big-wigs of the Republican and Democratic parties. The Commission on Presidential Debates decides which candidates participate in the debates, and thus who is seen on TV debating the "mainstream" Democratic and Republican nominees. These debates serve most voters as a means of validating a candidate's legitamacy.

The Commission has qualifications for candidates to pass before they are allowed to debate, such as compliance with the rules set forth in the U.S. constitution as well as being on enough state ballots to mathematically win an election. The Commission also requires the candidates poll at least 15% in national polls. This rule is what excludes many third party candidates who already are on a majority of state ballots as well as meet all of the qualifications set in the constitution. Because these candidates don't have the built-in fundraising resources of the Democrats and Republicans, its very difficult for them to be known, much less favored by 15% of U.S. voters(never mind all the problems inherent with polling). Perhaps if these cadidates were allowed on stage with equal footing to the Democrats and Republicans we could have a much more healthy and diverse debate than the current two-party system allow.
Below are some folks you may not have heard of who are currently running for President and Vice President of the United States. The quality and views of these candidates is across the spectrum and the appearance of any candidate below represents the opinions of neither Eddie McOwskey nor "Days of Change."

Chuck Baldwin/Darrell Castle
The Constitution Party/ Endorsed by Republican Congressman Ron Paul


Charles Jay/Thomas Knapp
Boston Tea Party - Personal Choice Party


Cynthia McKinney/Rosa Clemente
Green Party


Bob Barr/Wayne Root
Libertarian Party


Frank McEnulty
New American Independent Party


Gloria La Riva/Eugene Puryear
Party for Socialism and Liberation


Gene Amondson
Prohibition Party


Brian Moore/Stewart Alexander
Socialist Party USA


Jack Grimes
United Fascist Union Party/Wants to recreate the government of ancient Rome


Alan Keyes
Independent


Frank Moore/Susan Block
This Just Makes Sense Party


Ralph Nader/Matt Gonzalez
Independent/Anti-Corporate Crime, Universal Healthcare, Diplomacy


Kelcey Wilson
Independent/Main Focus: Create a nation-wide US Solar Power Grid; Universal access to broadband internet

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Eddie's Bailout Diagram

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Class and Global Warming


Eddie lets it rip about class and global warming. Please note: he doesn't connect the two in this speech.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

I FOUND IT, FOLKS!



I found it, folks! Laltely all I have been hearing is about where Wall St. and Main St. meet. But I couldn't for the lifes of me figure out where exactly this was. Through countless hours sorting through google maps, I found its. Is this the place that will bring economic balances to our times of woe, uncertaintude, and lumbar collapse? I urge you all to vote for me. Please.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Work Week

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE VIDEO 4: EDUCATION



Click here for M-PEG Movie file (.mp4)

Eddie persuades a voter to sign on to his comprehensive education policy.

Monday, February 11, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE VIDEO 3: CHANGE

Day of Change, Video 3: Change

Eddie and an undecided voter discuss change.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE VIDEO 2: CLASH WITH OBAMA CAMPAIGN


Days of Change Video 2: Eddie Mixes It Up with the Obama Campaign.

Click here for movie file (.mov)

Please excuse the horrendous audio. The city was trying to silence the candidate with a loud hum emanating from the subway vent below.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE VIDEO #1: BALANCE YA TAXES RALLY


On February 3, 2008, Eddie McOwskey held a rally to Balance Ya Taxes in Times Square.

Click here for the Quicktime file (.mov)

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Raw Footoage of McOwskey Day in Times Square

Here is a preview of the soon to be released video campaign of Eddie McOwskey taking on the issues and mixing it up with the voters in Times Square.


McOwskey Day Footage from SpaceHamlet on Vimeo.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 9

Days of Change, Episode 9: Polls

Eddie McOwskey expounds on the virtues and conveniences of pre-election polling.

Friday, January 11, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 8

Days of Change, Episode 8: A Return to the Issues (click here for mp3)

McOwskey examines the concerns of today's voter.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 7

Days of Change, Episode 7: Please vote for me! (click here for mp3)

Eddie McOwskey issues a hearfelt plea.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 6

Days of Change, Episode 6: I'm Just Like Mitt Romney, vote for me! (click here for mp3 file).

Candidate McOwskey cites the the clear comparisons between him and Governor Romney. You can't deny the contagious change the McOwskey is sweeping across the nation. Please vote for him.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Saturday, January 05, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 3

Days of Change, Episode 3: Straight Talk about Veggie Tales (click here for mp3).

Candidate McOwskey pulls no punches with the popular cartoon franchise Veggie Tales.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

DAYS OF CHANGE, Episode 1

Days of Change, January 2, 2008: Iowa Caucuses (click here for mp3)

The DAYS OF CHANGE will be a daily podcast (with occasional 30 day lapses) of the guiding words of New Jerseys next Governor, Eddie McOwskey. In this one, the Iowa caucus and the issues (such as Dragons, Nanobots, and The Size of TV Guide) are firmly addressed.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Podcast #5

The New Jersey Space Program. Eddie offers his plans for the often ignored New jersey Space Program.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Podcast #4

After the November 2005 election.

Eddie is less than thrilled at the results of the 2005 gubernatorial election, in New Jersey.

Podcast #3

Eddie's New Jersey

Eddie talks about his plan for making your life better, in New Jersey.

Podcast #2

The Opponents

Eddie let's it loose!

Podcast #1

What Makes Eddie, Eddie

Here we hear from the candidate, what makes Eddie, Eddie. An improtant moment for history.