EDDIE-TORIAL: LET'S CONTINUE TO KEEP SMART PEOPLE OUT OF GOVERNMENT, THOSE LOUSY NERDS

Dear United States,

I was thinking about our government the other days. And I thoughts you know what, it seems the best thing to do is to pick leaders who are smart, yet we seldoms elect doctors, scientists, or scholars to guide us through the caverns of precipice and the mountains of chance. And while we have a rich supply of smart folks in colleges, universities, and hospitals--we don't have many scientists and doctors in government, leading the nation with their brilliance.

And I decided this absence of smarts in government is for good reason, folks. Let's be honest, those smart guys scare the rest of us. They think they know it all with their knowledges, insights, and being able to ask good questions. No thank you. I don't need some lousy nerd telling me what to do. One might argues, hey the nerds know what's up. Well, keep it in the lab, Copernicus. Nobody needs your smart ideas. We got tons of bankers, businessmen, and lawyers--the cool kids--to get us out of jams. And though this system does have it's disasterous results, the last thing we need is some scrawny nerd piping up with his or her bright ideas. Science has no place in modern problem solving, especially on a national and global level. If we need their smart ideas, they can fight to the death for some businessman's grant. Ha ha, stupid nerds, I say.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey