Podcast! Paradises without Sacrifices!

Click here for mp3 of CHANGE, folks!

Podcast: Corzines' Fat Jokes, Real Jobs, and A Desperate Plea!

Click here for the latest podcast folks!

Corzines has done it again and stole a classic move from the McOwskey playbook!

Podcast: The Environements, Gays in the Militaries, and Twitters

A brand new podcast for those of you with a taste for democracies.

Click here for mp3 of podcast, folks!

Podcast! 2012, Healthcare, and John Cusacks!

http://mcowskey.com/podcast/2012.mp3

The return of the podcast, folks!

Give me money, Please, folks.

Dear Friends, Citizens, Voters, and Those Unprepared to Fail,

My name is Eddie McOwskey and I'm currently running for New Jersey State Governors, the most fancy job in all of New Jerseys. As you know me, I am an all around good guy (unlike those two bums I'm running against, bald Governor Jon Corzines and puff faced District Attorney Chris Christies). In fact, I can't think of anyone who's ever complained about me, except maybe my fifth grade art teachers who politely requested that I stop drawing so many naked pictures of Morgan Fairchilds. Point beings, I should be governors because I got the goods, folks! Those other guys are just nickels and dimes, spare change. Two pigs in a pod.

Because of my utmost belief in myself, I am writing to youse because I need a little help, to the tune of LOTS O' CASH and/or FREE PUBLICITIES.

Folks, this is it. The home stretch, some day in Novembers (I'm going to have to check my calendar for the specifics on this one), New Jerseys is going to pick it's next Governors and that person should be me because I used to date cheerleaders in high school, folks. Also, I can scream the loudest, I never stray from circumstance, and I can BALANCE YA TAXES!

(hold for applause and cheers)

Sure, politics is senseless, a perversion of democracies, and not worth your times, but let me tell you why I need to win this race. I believe I can steer New Jerseys to a better tomorrow, an unfettered paradise, without sacrifice and any sort of inconvenience on your parts. Here are some of my talking points:

• Experience: I'm the best. Those other two guys are ridiculous. And smell of unwashed undershirts.
• Schools: I'm going to make the schools better by making the schools better.
• Immigration: Nobody leaves Jersey unless they have a note from me or your mothers.
• Abortion: I believe life begins at 40.
• Marriage: No more marriage folks, let's just agree to keep it casual. No stress, no stress.
• Health Insurance: Free for all and we'll pay for it by charging people every time they complain about how sick they feel. You whine, you pay, I win.
• Jobs: I want to be known as the "Jobs Governors," I got a stack of dirty dishes that need to be washed and a lawn that needs to be mowed, that's two, folks. That's two.
• Change: For a dollar, folks!
• Evolution: The Human Body has many flaws, it's time for blame! I want wings!
• The Work Week: 30 Minutes a day, 5 days a week, after two and half hours, it's the weekend, folks!
• Faith: I am a devote soul who believes that Spidermans will swing down from the Heavens, wearing robes of pure sunshine and whisper powerball numbers into our ears. Webs are what bring us togethers.
• Mars: Dare we gamble, folks?

To pull this off, I need to raise, I'm thinking $126,987. I know times are tough. But come on. It's me. If you want to throw away a quarter, buck, or c-note, visit this fascinating link:
http://mcowskey.chipin.com/mcowskey-for-nj-governors

What will your hard earned cash be used for?

• TV Ads
• "An Internet Presence"
• Campaign Buttons
• Campaign Administration
• Living Expenses
• Groceries
• Entertainment
• A Nice Weekend Away for Me and My Live-In Girlfriend, Rose, you know to "decompress" in some pacific island paradise
• Paying for Endorsements
• Bribing Journalists for Airtimes
• Fine Suits
• Tapas

Hey, if you want something for your money, besides the intangible and non-refundable sense of pride in contributing to a public figure, check out the official McOwskey Campaign "I GAVE MONEY TO A POLITICIAN T-SHIRT" (all shirts are made in the U.S.A. and the company has some very fancy ethical mission statement or some such nonsense, folks, and I get around $9 for each t-shirt that sells).

Men's Sizes: http://skreened.com/mcowskey/i-gave-money-to-a-politician-men-s
Women's Sizes: http://skreened.com/mcowskey/i-gave-money-to-a-politician-women-s

Or if you're a crafty person and want to make your own iron-on's to tell the world what's up, I attached the graphics for you to prints. Either way, spread the words!



AND IF I MAY, if you haven't done so already, please sign the petiton to have me appear of The Colbert Report and spread it around on your facebooks, your tweets, and wherever Spidermans' glory shines.
http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/eddie-mcowskey-on-the-colbert-report.html
Thanks to all who have already signed it!

Want to get involved with the campaigns for street actions in Times Square, Union Square, and other locations? Write back! Know of any media outlets that would be interested in hearing at me yell at them? Write back! Don't want to hear from me anymore? Write back! Want to spread the word? Change your middle name in Facebook to "McOwskey,"

Thank you all for all your solid gold support the last few years! We can win this!

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors!
McOwskey.com

EDDIE-TORIAL: SOCIAL BAILOUTS

Dear Voters,

Good morning, folks. Eddie McOwskey heres, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. How are you today? I am fine. Thank youse. May your day produce an abundance of fortunes, merriments, and formiscitudes.

Folks, did you see how polite I was in that first paragraph? Well, it's that politeness that has gotten little Eddie McOwskey so many friends. But not everyone is as polite as me, especially people who are too busy amassing as much wealth as possibles, while the rest of us delight in their fiscal follies, reality TV shows, and front page adventures. Perhaps if the financial elite of this world were better at making friends, they'd care more about ripping off the rest of us.

That's why I, Eddie McOwskey am proposing Social Bailouts of all folks who don't have enough friends. Through the bully pulpit of the New Jersey Governor's seat, I will cede a total social bailout of 750 Billion new friends to such socially deficient organizations such as AIG, the Health Insurance Industries, and whomever else is making a profit at other's expense or running a trillion dollar business poorly.

Hopefully this influx of friends will infuse the social market with all sorts of new social activities like cool Birthday parties, picnics, games of Frisbee golf, a little touch foot ball, a little slap tag, a little dancing... The friendless will once again have friends like we were all forced to in that socialist institutions of Kindergartens. With everyone being friends and having fun, we'll be apt, poised, and aplomb to share all the things we've been stealing from one anothers.

Nationalizing and socializing friends will be shocking to those of who fought for the right to be friendless and rich in the 80s. But as Bob Dylan sangs, "Here's the story of the Hurricanes..."

Eddie McOwskey

EEDDIE-TORIAL: I PROMISE YOU, FOLKS

Dear Voting Public,

As you probably are unawares, I am running for the Governors of New Jerseys. I have several overweight opponents, but this show ain't over until the skinny guy sings (me, Eddie McOwskey).

I'll be honest folks, I don't hear or see my name in headlines, water cooler talk, or even campaign scratchitti. So, I thought it's time to break out the campaign promises.

If you vote for me for New Jersey State Governors, I promise:

• To rid all elevators, narrow sidewalks, and all confined spaces of baby strollers. I can't stand those hulking behemoths, folks.
• To enforce strict speed limits on scooters and electric wheelchairs. Where's the fire, folks?
• To stimulate the economy by maxing out everyone's credit cards.
• To make spinache the official Pizza topping of New Jerseys, absolutely delicious, folks.
• To increase sustainable agricultures by increasing sustainable agricultures (no questions, please).
• To tax bad posture. I know I have to work on mine, what better way to solve this state problems than through fiscal penalties that go towards long-term no bid state infrastructure projects.
• To end campaign finance reforms. if you don't want politicians spending so much money, stop giving it them, folks.
• To control guns by politely asking people to not use guns and taxing each bullet that does not hit it's intended target.
• To increase drug laws, drug penalties, drug stigma, and drug use to keep the system alive. It's important to keep both sides of law enforcement alive and well, folks. Otherwise we might suffer a long boring peace, like they have in those lousy Scandinavian countries.

That's just the beginning, folks.

Eddie McOwskey

EDDIE-TORIAL: LET'S CONTINUE TO KEEP SMART PEOPLE OUT OF GOVERNMENT, THOSE LOUSY NERDS

Dear United States,

I was thinking about our government the other days. And I thoughts you know what, it seems the best thing to do is to pick leaders who are smart, yet we seldoms elect doctors, scientists, or scholars to guide us through the caverns of precipice and the mountains of chance. And while we have a rich supply of smart folks in colleges, universities, and hospitals--we don't have many scientists and doctors in government, leading the nation with their brilliance.

And I decided this absence of smarts in government is for good reason, folks. Let's be honest, those smart guys scare the rest of us. They think they know it all with their knowledges, insights, and being able to ask good questions. No thank you. I don't need some lousy nerd telling me what to do. One might argues, hey the nerds know what's up. Well, keep it in the lab, Copernicus. Nobody needs your smart ideas. We got tons of bankers, businessmen, and lawyers--the cool kids--to get us out of jams. And though this system does have it's disasterous results, the last thing we need is some scrawny nerd piping up with his or her bright ideas. Science has no place in modern problem solving, especially on a national and global level. If we need their smart ideas, they can fight to the death for some businessman's grant. Ha ha, stupid nerds, I say.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey

EDDIE-TORIAL: OBAMA'S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB--COME ON, PAL!

Dear President Obamas,

I enjoyed watching all of your ceromonies, speeches, and splendor yesterdays. My temp job was nice enough to let us all watch during our lunch hour on a broken 13 inch TV that can't be fixed due to the economy and bailouts. However, I got to thinking...

If I was hired at a new job and started my first day of work with a big ceremony and speech showing off myself ("I, Eddie McOwskey do solemnly swear to show up at 9am, email my friends, and dodge the phone..."). Then, after that pomp and circumstance, I dashed off to ten seperate parties to celebrate--I wouldn't make it past lunch!

Come on, pal. First day on the job! Let's get some pens out, find out where the bathroom's are, and get cracking. Ten parties! And you haven't even done anything yet! This is no time for the sophomore slump!

Please endorse me,

Eddie McOwskey

HELP EDDIE THROUGH THE ELECTION MAZE!