Thursday, November 06, 2008

Dear Mr. President!

Dear Mr. President Barack Obamas,

First and foremosts, congratulations to you, my friend. You leaped over the hurdles of creptitude and traversed the windy seas of adversitimidity. The S.S. Barack has landed ashore the Presidential coast on a wave of votes, smiles, tears, excitements, and nicorette.

Incidentallies, besides giving you a couple pats on the back and slaps on the butt (it's a male sign of affection, folks--baseball players do it all the time, so just calm down--calm it down, please)--I wanted to ask you a favor. Can I borrow a couple hundred bucks and can you endorse me? Please. I need to use the mimeograph to run off some flyers. And how beautiful would those black and white mimeographs (on pink paper) look if it said you endorse me.


On a side note to be footnoted, Mr. Presidents... I heard you might tap Gov. Jonny Corzines to be your secretary of the treasury. First of all, please ignore my previous comments about Corzines having only 1 friend on Myspace, being bald, a little overweight, and wearing glasses. Besides this I'm sure he would be great at you know being secretary of the treasury. I do some secretary work for my temp agency and believe me, anyone can do it. I'm sure they'll be heavy phones--everyone wants to schedule an appointment to run around the treasury for five minutes and grab as much cash as they can. He'll probably have to do a lot of typing--are dollar bills typed individually?--that'll keep him busy! And just think with ole Corzines out of the picture, how easy it will be for your favorite gubernatorial candidate to become governor of New Jerseys. Please, Mr. President Barack Obamas.

In conclusion, congrats to you and Mr. Bidens--why was he so late to your victory speech? It looked like he had been driving around a lot looking for a parking space. He probably caught most of it on the radio.
The rest of us look forward to your successes and your platitudes.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors

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