Dear Folks, Eddie McOwskey here, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. How's everyone doing? Fine, I assume. But I bet you could all do better. Especially if you're living in New Jerseys. Well, folks, it seems in this country we'll name any day of the week a holiday.
"Presiden't Day"--The president don't need a day, folks--he rules the world.
"Arbor Day"--A day for trees, folks? I love them too--with their arching bellows and leafy panache. But why do they get a day and not other plants like the cactus or the burr.
"Tuesday"--This day serves no purpose to me. Once they took Who's The Boss off the air--why bother?
As you can see with so many days singled out for no good reason, let's have just one day out of the year that's good for everyone.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF AMERICA: It's time to have SHARE-A-BAG-OF-CHIP DAY!
You expect me to pay $3 for a bag of chips? That's murder, folks. Let's all just share a couple bags of chips today. U.S. Government: Make it a law. Everyone else: Let's make it fun. Think of all the delightful crunching.
Sincerely,
Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors
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