EDDIE-TORIAL: SHARING IS SAVING

Dear Folks,

Eddie McOwskey here, candidate for New Jersey State Governors. You know a lot of people come up to me and go "Eddie, what I can I do? The economic crisis is murdering me with the financial meltdown that has stricken the land." And I respond, "I don't have any money to give youse. Please allow me on my way." But folks, this reponse is selfish and easy on my parts.

Remember in Kindergartens when we were little and used to fight over markers, crayons, and that McDonald's playset with the plastic fries? What did Mrs. Arnold tell us as we sat there with paste in mouths and Inspector Gadget on our brains? She told us to share. Folks, sharing is always the answer. We are a herd animal folks: look at any highway, busy street, or ant-farm like supermarket. From high above we look like any herd of gazelles or infestation of roach. There's a reason these animals have been around for tens of years without any jobs, welfare checks, or television. And that reason is these animals band togethers and share everything, while still retaining their personalities and amasses of personal wealth. We are all scurrying around, most of the time unawares that we are part of a larger group moving in the same direction--why not realize our own unity and preport it by pooling our resources for our continued mutual and personal successes.

We don't need to buy so many things folks. If I have a book sitting on my shelf that you want to read, don't go to Amazon.com and buy your own ask me to borrow it. If you have a box of cereal that you opened and don't want the rest of because you already found the toy and that was all you bought that box of Fruity Pebbles for--share that box of Fruity Pebbles--Fred Flinstone would thank you. If you need to buy a car but have three friends who need to buy a car and you just need it to go to work and the occasional errand, why not share a car with friends?

I know a lot of you people who had secret crushes on Ronald Reagans and Henry Kissingers are looking at me right now and calling me a socialist or a communist because I think people should share: GET THIS THROUGH YOUR SKULL SHARING IS NOT COMMUNISM SHARING IS SHARING AND SHARING IS FUN! If sharing were bad, would Mrs. Arnold have made it class policy? Was Mrs. Arnold meeting Soviet Agents in Mexico City on the weekends to plot the demise of capitalism? No (that was crazy uncle Ralph).

Folks, you want to make it through this economic collapse and more importantly live in a world without such artificial woes? Share. Share your food, your things, and your cheers. If we keep not sharing we're going to be like little Stevey B. who didn't share in class and grew up to have a boring job at the bank. Who wants that? Seriouslies, folks.

Sincerely,

Eddie McOwskey, Candidate for New Jersey State Governors